Subtlety is Overrated
by bamsaidthelady
Summary: Sirius and the twins join forces to ensure that even the most frustratingly imperceptive residents of Grimmauld Place see what's right in front of their eyes.
1. Sirius

_Sirius_

"Oho!"

Sirius burst through the doorway with one hand over his eyes and the other waving the maddeningly large, extremely annoying Muggle foam finger Arthur had brought back in excitement from his latest foray into the Muggle world ("I really don't know the function, but it's squishy texture is fascinating!")

Jabbing the air in the general direction of the bed, Sirius crowed, "Caught in the act!"

"'Choo want?" Tonks mumbled sleepily and burrowed her head deeper into the covers. "Go 'way Sirius."

Her pillow grunted and sat up as her head slid off Remus' chest and onto his lap.

"Oy! Come back here! Some of us are trying to sleep." Tonks wrapped her arms around his waist in a desperate attempt to pull Remus back down into bed.

"I refuse to be the headline of Auntie Siri's next issue of Grimmauld Gossip."

"The headline of what?" Tonks' sleep-mussed head shot upright at Remus' words.

"Grimmauld Gossip." Remus sighed in exasperation. "The what's and the where's of the who's who of the bold defenders of our magical community."

"Literally the what's and the where's, if you know what I mean." Sirius interjected, wiggling his eyebrows as he stepped into Remus' room.

"Hey! No peeking 'til we're decent!" Tonks yelped, as she drew the covers more comfortably around herself and glared at her meddling cousin.

"No worries 'cuz, it's nothing I haven't seen before." He winked and smirked, "'Course you were a wee little one the last time I changed your nappy."

Tonks groaned, "Sirius. Completely ignoring the very disturbing fact that you're telling a grown woman you've seen her..." she waved a hand vaguely over herself. "We just got over the a-g-e issue." She dropped her voice down to a mock whisper. "Don't taunt the beast within."

Remus snorted. "Literally." He rubbed his eyes. "Sirius, not to sound completely rude, but what the hell do you think you're doing here at this ungodly time of day?"

"That, Moony, is the million galleon question, isn't it?" He cleared his throat dramatically and paused for effect. "Now we all know how fast word tends to, er, spread, in the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black."

"Which, of course, you have absolutely nothing to do with."

"Of course not." Sirius agreed readily. "So this." He pointed at the two of them snuggled together in bed. "It's been going on for weeks." He pouted as his voice adopted a distinct whine to it. "I wanna tell! You can't seriously expect me to hold onto this explosive information for so long."

"It's not that we want to keep it a secret," Remus paused to meet Tonks' eyes and she nodded supportively, "It's more like we don't want to go shouting off every rooftop. Bit obnoxious to advertise our happiness when there are so many lonely souls about." He looked pointedly at Sirius. "Then again, I seem to recall something about Hestia and her love for large canines."

"Mmm, yes. A bit odd, that one. Never did find out what was so appealing about pasty skin and feeling weak-kneed after a good shag from blood loss." Sirius shrugged. "In my opinion, it's a pain in the neck. But whatever floats your boat."

"Har dee har har, Sirius." Tonks rolled her eyes.

"Honestly, Sirius. People in this house really don't care about our love lives that much. And even if they did, I forbid you to discuss it with them. It's our business, and you just happen to be the awkward hippogriff in the room."

"Sometimes people are so thick they can't see the giant hippogriff in the room even when it's making lovey-dovey eyes at the fluffy bunny with the furry little problem in the corner."

"Correct me if I"m wrong, Sirius," Tonks raised an amused eyebrow, "But am I supposed to be the hippogriff in this scenario?"

"Look," Remus ran an exasperated hand through his tousled hair, "Do whatever you want, Sirius, just don't go announcing this to everyone you meet in the hallway."

Sirius' face exploded into an enormous, ominous grin. "Challenge accepted!"


	2. The Twins

_The Twins_

"Boys," Sirius clapped an arm around each of the twins.

"Men, you mean."

"Ah yes, of course, my mistake, _men_." He cleared his throat, "I'd like you two to consider some of my ideas for your growing collection of inventions."

"Padfoot," George emphasized and performed a flourishing bow.

"We'd be _honored_."

* * *

><p>"Sock'em boppers." Sirius pointed to a newspaper ad for the toy, depicting an abnormally cheerful young boy punching the air enthusiastically with what appeared to be oversized rubber cylinders on his fists.<p>

Fred prodded the picture with his wand and frowned when it didn't move.

"Don't bother. Stole this from your father's stash of Muggle newspapers." Sirius wrinkled his nose as he motioned at the ad. "From what I can tell, they are specialized devices whose sole purpose is for Muggles to use to punch each other."

"What's the point? They're… balloons. It's like being hit with air."

"I know, right? Useless invention that could stand with some magical improvements."

"And that's where we come in," George grinned in anticipation. "Well what are we waiting for? Time to make these puppies a little more fun."

* * *

><p>Remus peered at Sirius from over the top of his book. Something wasn't right. The week since Sirius had burst in on him and Tonks was oddly uneventful. In fact, if he really thought about it, he had barely seen Sirius at all, and when he did, he always had a sheaf of parchment with him, scribbling notes furiously. Come to think of it, Sirius had been spending a lot of time with the twins. Remus frowned. That couldn't possibly be good. Exactly a week after Sirius' untimely early morning visit, he found out just how bad it was.<p>

* * *

><p>Sirius flicked a Sickle into the air, and George called, "Tails!"<p>

"Sorry mate. Fred gets the first go." Sirius tossed two bright purple cylinders at Fred, who caught them easily and slipped his hands inside the boxing gloves.

Throwing a quick one-two punch at the air in front of him, Fred taunted Sirius. "Bring it, old man."

Sirius smirked and tossed a thin, vest-like shirt at him. "I've made a couple of minor tweaks to the design. You'll probably need some extra padding." He donned his own foam armor and slipped on neon pink gloves.

George gestured around the kitchen and asked, "Shall we clear the table out of the way then?"

Sirius' smile fell briefly. "Er, no. I'm a tad bit scared of your mother's wrath if she finds the kitchen in ruins, so let's just take this experiment upstairs. In fact," his grin widened, "I know just the spot."

He led them into the library, and maneuvered into a back corner. "Here," he pointed at one wall. "Stand there against the wall, Fred, and I'll face you over here."

George conjured a rather large gong and mallet and Sirius eyed it. "Normally a responsible adult would remind you that it's past midnight and most reasonable people in this household are already asleep." He beamed. "But who am I kidding? Excellent idea, George."

Fred and Sirius mock glared at each other as their fists came up and they circled each other, waiting for their signal.

_GONG!_

Immediately as the sound rang out, echoing throughout Grimmauld Sirius jabbed in Fred's general direction, then blinked in surprise at the ensuing thunder of drywall collapsing. Through the blinding dust, he and George waved their arms to try and clear a path and assess the damage as George called out to his twin.

When all the particles had settled, they gaped at a plaster-covered Fred lounging in bed. Between Remus and Tonks.

"Ah. Well hello there." Remus glanced quizzically from the redhead in his bed to the gigantic hole in his bedroom wall.

Fred flushed crimson as he waved awkwardly from his position and tried to sit up.

"Well lookee here, Remus. As if the full-blown gong weren't enough, Sirius has decided to surprise us with a Weasley." She poked Fred with a toe. "I gotta tell you, mate. The whole pasty pale albino look really doesn't work for you."

Remus eyed Sirius and the twins. "Explain."

"Well—" George started.

"—You see," Fred paused.

"Please. Enlighten us." Remus prompted dryly.

"We were trying to give these Muggle toys a bit more oomph." George attempted to explain.

"Oh you got plenty of oomph." Tonks interrupted.

"Well yes, that much is apparent." Fred started brushing white specks off his clothes.

Sirius, silent for so long, seized the awkward pause in conversation as his golden opportunity. "Oho! What have we here?" He pointed at the couple recently woken from their slumber. "Could it possibly be two lovebirds in a partridge tree?"

"I'll ignore your complete mutilation of a holiday classic and just speculate, shall I?" Remus pondered aloud. "Isn't it odd how the three of you chose this spot at this time of night to er, _experiment_, with your new toys?"

Fred and George immediately pointed at Sirius and announced simultaneously, "His idea!"

"Aye." Sirius confirmed with a twinkle in his eye. "This'll be the runaway bestseller of the year, I guarantee it. And we'll split the profits 50-50, eh?"

Fred leaped out of bed and joined George in squabbling with SIrius over inventors' rights as they retreated out of the new gaping hole in Remus' bedroom wall.

"Told you that'd come in handy." Sirius gestured at Fred's protective vest.

"Ingenious," George agreed earnestly, "Although the power of this toy really should have a warning label."

"Let's talk shop." Fred chimed in and their voices began to fade as they headed downstairs, but not before one final comment floated up to be heard.

"And what the bloody hell was that? Remus and Tonks? Who'da thunk?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** In case anyone was fortunate enough to miss the endless stream of commercials featuring Sock'em Boppers many, many years ago... here's a lovely picture for you.

.com/new_product_images/sock'


End file.
